omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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