we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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