Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize