You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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