Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
