put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I'm really busy with my period
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