i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
