somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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