my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
