I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
