this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
