You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
