Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
