Plan B is the new Plan A
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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