its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Randomize
