im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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