My cat gives me a boner
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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