You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
