Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
