paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
