direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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