people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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