I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
