so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
