I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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