i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
