I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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