Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
