I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
