before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
