either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize