then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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