My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
