I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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