guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
