areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
