i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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