my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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