Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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