That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
