All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
