I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
