I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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