So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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