I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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