That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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