I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
