ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
