if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
