I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
