Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
