isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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