Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
