jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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