Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
