I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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