You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
