My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
