Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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