Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
