a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
