If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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