Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
